Animals: Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 2 605

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Same thing different taste

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - 25/08/2014 00:08 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 725

You deserved it 6 422

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 012

You deserved it 308

Crowded house

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 257

You deserved it 910

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 318

You deserved it 5 774

By Anonymous - 05/05/2014 21:03 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 196

You deserved it 18 349

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 163

By rattness - 07/12/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 2 867

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - 03/11/2019 02:00

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 224

By ghoul - 08/03/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 4 225

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 399

You deserved it 3 340

Next

Top comments

JackDark 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 16:05

He comes in the night, and he brings nuts...

pandorasnymph 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 16:03

scary

Comments

oxaviero 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 22:21

the way this was written was excellent. very funny yet scary at the same time. made me laugh.

Sekococo 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:59

noo foamy is just trying to spy on and then talk shit about you lol

angrynegro7 16

Monday 1 March 2010 12:39

Foamy FTW!

bradensfml 0

Monday 1 March 2010 0:41

that's a mlia

FarSide 22

Monday 1 March 2010 1:30

take a shotgun and shot near the sound

mr_miyagi 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:23

im pretty sure all squirrels are wild dumbass

flame1819 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:36

borrow my aunts cat. that happened to her but the cat killed it. It turned out it was a whole family of squirrels. The cat arranged then by size/age in front of her bedroom door as a "present"

haleygir 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:43

that happened to me once but it was stuck in the wall rite necxt to my bed

J0yce 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:51

ZOMG SQUAIDS.

caramelluv 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:52

LMFAO

bNMitchell 0

Monday 1 March 2010 5:15

awww I love squirrels

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The Top

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Walmart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 612

You deserved it 55 892

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051

You deserved it 140

The Top

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 8 019

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 955

You deserved it 6 829

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 325

You deserved it 35 373

Today, to repay my brother who's been hosting me, I took his laundry out to wash. Loading the machine, I gave a tug on the corner of a towel and the biggest dildo I've ever seen flew out of the basket and bounced to a stop in the middle of the floor. Every. One. Saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 582

You deserved it 996

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 110

You deserved it 40 842

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 40 654