Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 453

You deserved it 7 989

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 864

You deserved it 5 656

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 4 386

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 199

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 75

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 697

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 486

You deserved it 10 362

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 37 971

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 235

You deserved it 7 083

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 40 907

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 458

You deserved it 12 272

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

dcbowers3 2

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:52

That's what you get for sticking it in her arse

KrisNico03 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:53

Your girlfriend is the shit! No pun intended...lol. I think it's sweet she's that comfortable with you that she can make those kinda jokes.

jellyshoes11 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:54

Classy.

percyh 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:56

Wow, now that's love! Lol.

markusse 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:57

Turn off...

teh_uber_muffin 3

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:59

We'd better call The Poopsmith (+10 for the reference).

xoxoAshesoxox 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:24

Lolol

YdoIhaveAchode 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:06

Did you go in there after she was done and bask in the smell of her dump baby?

venom8 13

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:14

I say if she has a sense of humor like that, she's a keeper.

daydreamer244 13

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:20

is it a boy dump or a girl dump???!!

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:57

It's a mix actually.....

atarisrocks 6

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:27

That what me and my bf call his ***** as they are huge

Keywords

Work Vegan Allergies Customers Transportation Airplanes Airport Money Technology Sports Healthy Lifestyle Health Embarrassing Gross Toilet Poopoo peepee Relatable Awkward Kids Drugs Parenting Grandparents Love Social Media Death Scary Lonely Relationship advice Miscellaneous Proposal

The Top

Today, I told my crush how I felt. He said, “Sorry, I don’t feel the same way. But you’re an amazing girl, and you deserve a guy who will treat you like a queen.” I asked him, “Well, why can’t you be that guy then?” He pretended to have a coughing fit and “suddenly remembered” he had to be somewhere and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 1 043

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 127

You deserved it 2 675

The Top

Today, I have finally accepted that OCD has won after almost 17 years. It’s taken every bit of enjoyment I have out of life from me, from work, to relationships, even to TV shows and food! Every time I try to reclaim something, it doesn’t last long before my brain wins and ruins it with negative associations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 91

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 4 850

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 214

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 191

You deserved it 29 886

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 704

You deserved it 161

Today, after 8 years of friendship, I've realized my best friend is a narcissist and I just couldn't see it. I've supported him for years, even though my life was a mess, and the one time I asked for help he ignored me completely. I'm either at his beck and call, or I don't matter at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 172