Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 452

You deserved it 7 988

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 5 656

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 4 385

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 198

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 74

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 696

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 10 356

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 357

You deserved it 37 970

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 235

You deserved it 7 083

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 40 905

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 457

You deserved it 12 272

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

Egnar 19

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:58

Good for you! If you're just "starting to fall in love" with her the fact that she wasn't talking about a real kid is more of a relief. You may want kids in the future but sounds to me like you're not far enough invested in this relationship, YET, to consider it.

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:53

You know, there can be differences in age, location, and really Anything! But I've found that all martial artists (or maybe just karate guys cuz for the most part its just karate [and in an odd coincidence, guys] that I know) have the same way of speaking. Or approaching life might be another way to put it, which one should expect I know, but it's curious just How apparent it is in their speech despite Every Other difference!!! It's rather interesting and kinda cool to be honest

Egnar 19

Monday 12 September 2011 2:07

Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing quiet frankly. How vague of you!

Missy2612 11

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:01

Woww that's charming... All class.

Austinj_perez 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:04

XD well at least it looks like you!

bubo_fml 10

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:08

Marry her immediately! Few Women out there posess such an off beat sense of humour, which comes in so handy when putting up with our silly shit! (No offense to your progeny!)

HentaiBunny 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:26

Aw.. it's got OP's eyes..

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:46

O.o

Mxpxdude189 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:32

Haha. that's great

brianjman14 22

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:33

EWWWW NOT APPROPRIATE!! Just kidding, have some sense of humor, OP. That was pretty funny.

oilfan11 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:36

She seems awesome...not being sarcastic either

5t3ff1k4h 44

Sunday 11 September 2011 23:37

You're only starting to fall in love with her and you're that excited over a potential baby? Puh-leeze. Wait another year or two and then tell me you're excited. Where you're at now is not where you should be if you're excited to have a kid.