Love, Cleaning, Parents, Teenagers and Furniture: Trash the lot

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 778

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Same thing different taste

Romantic moves

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 271

By CandlesSuck - 02/11/2009 03:44 - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 813

You deserved it 29 349

Smell good

By Anonymous - 02/12/2019 19:00 - Australia

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 474

By ZAS - 15/06/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 046

You deserved it 4 042

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 240

You deserved it 43 577

By Nick - 22/05/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 754

The sweet smell of…

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 14:00

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 947

You deserved it 6 550

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 162

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 16 October 2022 16:29

WTH? Get a hotel or find another place to do the deed. Using your parent's bed is disrespectful and just no.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 16 October 2022 17:10

Make your girlfriend buy a new set of replacement sheets. Smoking in bed is just absurd.

Comments

Shzusuziq11 10

Sunday 16 October 2022 16:11

You shouldn't be sleeping on your parents bed. Don't you have your own?

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 16 October 2022 16:29

WTH? Get a hotel or find another place to do the deed. Using your parent's bed is disrespectful and just no.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 16 October 2022 17:10

Make your girlfriend buy a new set of replacement sheets. Smoking in bed is just absurd.

JackWood 20

Sunday 16 October 2022 17:15

She smoked and bled on your mother's sheets. I'm sure mom's going to be proud of you.

Hangryko 29

Sunday 16 October 2022 19:20

You sure know how to pick beds and girlfriends.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 16 October 2022 19:52

Why the hell would you use your parents' bed? And honestly, I'd make her pay to get them brand new sheets just like the ones she ruined. Any responsible woman knows when to expect her period, and if she can't be cautious enough to not burn things with her cigarette, she shouldn't be smoking them.

giffinator6 5

Monday 17 October 2022 4:12

I agree with you, however I disagree with "responsible women" knowing when they get their period. By all means this woman is not responsible, in any way shape or form, I would not deal with that. although, I'm on a certain birth control that does not have a consistent period, I can be without a period for months, or I can get my period 3 weeks in a month

jobekka 20

Monday 17 October 2022 17:39

its not only your period that makes you bleed, my overy is turned around, so it stores blood and every time i have sex with a big guy i bleed

poopface82 18

Sunday 16 October 2022 21:49

Shit happens. So do periods. But smoking in bed is just stupid. Either she replaces everything or get a new girlfriend.

cpguru24 15

Tuesday 18 October 2022 18:24

Yikes. And gross. Your gross. Your girlfriend is gross. Smoking is gross. Sleeping (and activities) in your parents bed is gross. Your jokes are bad and you should feel bad.