Love, Pregnancy and Alcohol: Let that sink in

Let that sink in

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 21:42 - Canada

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 842

You deserved it 8 721

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Family portrait

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 187

Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 95

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 251

You deserved it 5 927

By Xbieblette51 - 19/08/2014 22:30 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 828

You deserved it 6 950

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 854

You deserved it 8 873

The Phone Call

By turnmyphoneoff - 24/09/2019 00:01

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 3 525

Misbehaving

By anonymous - 05/02/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 3 226

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 3 070

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 486

You deserved it 10 362

perstephane 4

Tuesday 5 October 2010 1:05

*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!

justsayfuck 5

Tuesday 5 October 2010 1:06

Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?

Comments

lasage_fml 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:47

this man is a true bro. he should be commended

heliumhead 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:48

At least he knows the code

fml_as_usual 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:48

this is one of the most awesome things i've ever read. lol

YaoiDoll19 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:49

I would have killed him. No reason for him to say something like that drunk or not. I am sorry.

PhillyFox 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:05

Why is your husband out at a bar getting smashed when you're about to have a kid anyway? You should take a good long look at your marriage.

guyjones 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:13

give him a high five! he is a dick but you gotta give it to him, that was a goodn

JacksonCampbell 9

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:19

Misspelling something in capital letters. Good job.

Randomolio 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:22

congratulations, on the kid not the husband

gomerturd 1

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:25

YDI you're the ho that married him.

steph_G777 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 5:32

Your comment :WTF!!!! Is your husband 10?!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 126

You deserved it 2 675

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 5

The Top

Today, I got fired via Facebook messenger in a chat that also included a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 627

Today, I hooked up with a girl who had a total Nicki Minaj butt. She wanted me to do her doggy style, and the spirit was willing but the flesh wasn’t long enough to reach more than an inch inside, no matter how much we readjusted. We ended up switching to missionary, but neither of us were happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 167

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 979

You deserved it 10 018

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 604

You deserved it 2 830

Today, I went to my friends-with-benefits's house as planned. My phone was on do not disturb so I missed the message half an hour before I was supposed to be there, asking to come tomorrow. I arrived and he had another chick there. Most awkward encounter, being asked to leave when she was the last minute plan, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 1 153

Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 430

You deserved it 4 353